Diary of a Gay Soprano
by LittleMissAmbiguous
Summary: Experience Glee club as never before through the eyes of Kurt Hummel as you read his secret diary...
1. Prologue

Dear Diary,

In the course of the next few weeks, months, or years (it all really depends on when Noah Puckerman finds you and decides to steal, read, and destroy you) I will be pouring out the deepest secrets of my innermost soul to you, so I think I should introduce myself.

My name is Kurt Hummel. I am sixteen years old. I am a fan of Broadway, Teen Vogue, and Beyonce. One day, I will rule the world.

That's really all you need to know about me.

Kurt Hummel.


	2. Pilot

Dear Diary,

Can you imagine? There I was, innocently minding my own business in a brand new sweater from Marc Jacobs' latest collection, when the group of Neanderthals that call themselves football players cornered me by the dumpster.

Well of course, I had no idea what was going on. Their ringleader, Noah Puckerman, does have an irrational hatred for me… It's probably because he realizes that his best friend Finn is falling in love with me and he wants to shed as unfavorable a light on me as possible to prevent it from happening.

Not that I would return the feeling. I'm not gay. Oh, no. Quite the opposite, I assure you, diary.

So, after much teasing about my supposed sexuality, these beasts threw me unceremoniously into the dumpster! In fact, if my knight in shining armor… um, I mean Finn… hadn't rescued my Marc Jacobs sweater and my vintage leather book bag, they would have both been destroyed. I had to shampoo my hair seven times to get the smell out of my hair… and I'm not even going to TALK about the conditioner.

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

Glee club is holding open auditions! I fully intend to wow Mr. Schuester with my impressive yet unexpected soprano vocal range. I will sing the song Mr. Cellophane from Chicago. I wonder what I should wear. Perhaps something a bit less intense than usual, or else it won't correspond with the song… I cannot be invisible whilst clothed in the latest runway trends, now, can I?

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

Auditions went well. The girl who went before me, Mercedes Jones, had a powerful voice and a wonderful diva-attitude, but the element of surprise is a powerful weapon. As soon as Mercedes walked onto that stage, we all knew she would be singing something along the lines of Respect. Nobody ever expects a soprano rendition of Mr. Cellophane. I'll be the star of this club in no time.

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

The first day of Glee practice was… chaotic.

There are five students in the club. Mercedes, the girl I wrote about yesterday, has proved to be exactly what I expected. She is a diva. She does have a great sense of style, but that doesn't make up for her personality.

At least she's not as annoying as Rachel is. I'd like to stuff a sock in that girl's mouth.

Tina and Artie are actually okay. Tina is very shy, and Artie tucks his sweaters into his pants, but I feel I could get along with them both over time. They seem friendly and accepting. Besides, they obviously need my help. Neither of them have a clue.

We tried to sing the song Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat from Guys and Dolls. Things did not go well. I dropped Tina on the floor twice, Rachel kicked Mercedes in the knee, and Artie's wheelchair smashed into the wall, breaking the bulletin board. After we finished the song, Rachel declared that we sucked and stormed out. All in all, I'd say we're not off to a good start.

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

Finn Hudson joined Glee club today. Finn Hudson!

Yes, that Finn Hudson. The one that, much as I try to deny it, I have fallen hopelessly in love with.

Yes, I am gay. If you're reading this and you're on the football team, I said that just to humor you. One day, I will rule you all.

Going back to our previous topic, Finn can sing! Perhaps his voice is a little rough, but it's nothing that a bit of training can't fix. Perhaps I could help.

He sang You're The One That I Want from Grease with that Rachel girl. She tried to seduce him 13 seconds into the song by being all touchy-feely. Then, she did the unthinkable.

She. Messed. Up. My. Hair.

That is crossing the line. I have sworn an official oath today to loath Rachel for all eternity.

Besides, you should have seen the way she was looking at Finn. She was smiling and widening her eyes and batting her lashes. Finn seemed a little disturbed, as was I; however, despite the fact that Rachel was moving in on my man, we actually sounded kind of good for once. Mercedes had to ruin it by diva-ing out, of course. I quote:

"Oh, Hell to the nah! Look, I ain't down with all this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyonce, I ain't no Kelly Rowland!"

Please. As if she could ever be as good as Beyonce.

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

We just went to Carmel to see last year's Regional champions, Vocal Adrenaline. If all goes as planned, we'll be performing against them in Regionals.

I think I'll go hide under my pillow now.

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

Now I'll definitely need to hide under my pillow. Mr. Schue is leaving us.

His wife is pregnant, so he needs to find a better job. I guess family is more important, but still… We had so little hope for making Regionals. What hope do we have now?

Kurt Hummel

* * *

Dear Diary,

I want to know. When was the election for queen, because I didn't vote for Rachel Berry! If I had known about the election, I would have voted for myself, and then been disqualified based on my gender.

She thinks she knows everything. She took over Glee club, can you imagine? Her "simple" choreography was backbreaking, stressful, and impossible to do while singing and smiling. Luckily, Finn came fresh from saving Artie's life to save the rest of us from Rachel. Finn really is a knight in shining armor. Then said he was sorry for egging Rachel's house, throwing pee balloons at me, and nailing my lawn furniture to my roof.

Even though he said he wasn't actually there for that.

I'm very proud of him.

He also took charge of the club. He asked us all what our special talents were and assigned us jobs accordingly. Artie is in charge of the instruments, Rachel is doing choreography, Mercedes is arranging the costumes (ridiculous, she doesn't have half the fashion sense I do), and Finn is directing the music. For Tina, he said, he'll "find something".

He never asked me. Maybe he's just nervous about talking to me. I shall have to fix that later.

We had a dress rehearsal of Don't Stop Believing later in the afternoon, and we were amazing! Rachel recorded it with her video camera and posted it to YouTube:

/watch?v=bDKFn9gwNC8

Doesn't Finn look so deliciously handsome? And aren't Rachel's attempts to flirt with him so infuriating? She purposly choreographed it so that Finn would have to put his hand on her waist. I feel sorry for him.

I didn't know we could produce that kind of sound. Thanks to Finn's music direction, I think it was better than Vocal Adrenaline.

But that's just my opinion.

Kurt Hummel


	3. Showmance

**Sorry, I've been more occupied than I thought I was going to be, and I'm also having writer's block ****. I didn't have a lot to work with from this chapter, so bear with me. The following episodes are very Kurtful, so diary entries will become more interesting. Please tell me… I'm not going AU, but would you like me to delve a little deeper into Kurt's past and stuff? **

Dear Diary,

Noah Puckerman and his cronies have decided that "Throw Kurt into the Dump" shall hereafter be a daily ritual. Today, for the third time in three days, I was thrown into the deep abyss of trash and soda cans that always insist on clinging to my designer clothes.

If Noah weren't so diabolical, he would be quite sexy.

Mr. Schuester has given us a death sentence. We have an assembly next week, and we're singing disco. Yes, disco. I might have to plunge myself off the top of a cliff before the rest of the school does it for me. Then I will mess up my hair, and I just had it cut! Anyway, tensions were tight in rehearsal. Rachel narrowly missed Mercedes' face a few times, and Mercedes broke out with her famous "Hell to the nah!" speech again. We were all up to our hats in stress about the assembly.

I wasn't able to fall asleep tonight, because of all the stress. Today I realized that my crush on Finn (for it really had been just a crush, no matter how I went on about it) was slowly developing into something more, and the very next moment, the rug was pulled out from under my feet.

It happened like this: As Noah was preparing to throw me into the dumpster, Finn interfered. I shall remember his words forever. He said, "Dude! What's your problem! Kurt is a really nice guy who's never done anything to you, so why can't you leave him alone!" They still threw me in, but it gave me enough courage to declare, before I landed, "One day, you will all work for me!" It also helped me realize that Finn is so much more than a handsome face. He's got a good heart.

Not two minutes after I made this revelation, I saw him walking with Rachel. He was giving her The Look. To be specific, the look I've always wished he would give me, and which he had never given to Quinn. I had always taken hope from that, but it seems he now has hidden and undiscovered feelings for Rachel.

Ah, well. I'll just go wallow in sorrow.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Mercedes needs to call me before she gets dressed in the morning. Otherwise, we'll look like we planned our outfits.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Rachel came up with a genius idea today to sabotage the assembly. We are going to give those little immature high school children exactly what they want. I thought blood, but my suggestion was passed in favor of sex. We are going to perform Push It by Salt N' Pepper. I feel so evil.

Kurt Hummel

P.S. I get to slap Finn on the butt. I think I am in a personal heaven.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

The performance was amazing. We aced it, and we had the entire student body on its feet. The only downside is that now Glee club will be my own personal hell for eternity. Did I mention that I loathe Rachel? Now, because of her suggestion, we are only allowed to sing songs about Jesus and the circus. Two points: First, I am atheist. I gave up on God when I found out he didn't like gays. Secondly, I am deadly afraid of clowns. Somehow, the ideas of fluffy, rainbow hair and intentionally painting the face never got through to me. If I have to sing about clowns, I _will_ start screaming in the middle of Glee club, and then I'll never get my solo.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Quinn Fabray is joining Glee club, can you imagine! She's obviously seen how Finn looks at Rachel. Well, you might be surprised to hear me say this, but this is very good for me. With all the girl-drama that's bound to erupt from these two Finn-enamored and determined young ladies, it shouldn't be too hard to convince Finn that girls are much more trouble than they're worth. Finally, when he's realized that _girls_ are no good, he'll start to notice guys in quite a different light. I shall be sympathetic to his troubles and help him get in touch with his true self. Some of the greatest romances have started with gratitude. Oh yes, Finn will come to his senses in no time!

Kurt Hummel

P.S. Rachel's losing her solo to Quinn. More girl-drama.


	4. Acafellas

Dear Diary,

I don't know what Ms. Rachel Smartypants is up to, but she seems to think that Mr. Schuester is an incompetent dancer. Trust Rachel to say that to his face. If she had her way, Rachel would be directing the Glee club, and we've already had enough of that. She thinks we need to hire Dakota Stanley, coach of Vocal Adrenaline. As if. What we really need is my dancing expertise, but that obviously won't be happening any time soon.

However, Dakota Stanley was the understudy for Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast, so I guess he's the next best thing. You should have seen how crushed Mr. Schuester was, though. Rachel is such a…

I'm not going to taint my diary with profanities.

-Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Finn is mad at Rachel for her little "greater good" act. The world is right again.

Although I did vote to bring in Dakota, so he might be mad at me as well.

-Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

I wouldn't have thought it possible, but I bonded with Mercedes today. She was leaning on my locker, looking forlorn. Turns out she was going moony-eyed over the countless couples in the school hallway. All the boy/girl kissing in the hallways makes me feel sick, but apparently it doesn't make Mercedes feel that way. I decided she needed her mind taken off things, so I invited her to hit the mall in the afternoon.

We sat together at lunch. It turns out that, underneath her tough, diva exterior, Mercedes is a sweet, funny, and smart girl. We both enjoy the same singers and fashion trends and we got into a heavy discussion about Beyonce vs. Rihanna.

After school we went to the mall with intent to shop for clothing, and left with shoes. Shoes usually aren't my thing – I feel they draw away from the rest of the outfit – but Mercedes found so many fun and interesting ones that I couldn't help it. I bought at least five pairs. We never did get around to our Operation Dakota Stanley outfits, but we did trade ideas.

All in all, it was a very fun day. And to think that yesterday, I hated her.

Well you shouldn't judge a magazine by the celebrity on its cover.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Mercedes and I have become quite good friends. In fact, I think I can safely venture to say she is probably my best and only real friend by now. She's coming to my house this Saturday to watch the Liza Minnelli marathon on AMC.

I think the dancers from Vocal Adrenaline are suffering from child abuse. There was a girl outside barfing into a garbage can. Later, we witnessed Dakota Stanley screaming at the poor kids to "GET OFF MY STAGE!" I'm starting to think this was not a good idea, especially now that he's told us his fee. It's $8,000 per song with a bonus of $10,000 if we place in the top three, "and with Dakota Stanley at the wheel, you will place in the top three." I think the others are hesitant as well, but Rachel says fire ahead, so that's what we're doing.

We're holding a carwash.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Mercedes is a very fun movie-watching companion. She sang along during Cabaret (very well, I must say), and she kept tossing up popcorn and catching it in her mouth. I tried to follow her example, but I only ended up with a big mess of popcorn on the floor.

My dad let it slide because he thought Mercedes might be a girlfriend. He has never wanted anything from me except, well, manliness. Unfortunately, that's the one area in which I am somewhat lacking. My mother would have understood.

My mother… Sometimes I just miss her so much. I could have told her about being gay, and she would have understood. My dad wouldn't understand. I wish I could tell Mercedes, but I don't know how she'd react, either.

I need to be sure that she won't tell.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Apparently Rachel doesn't like it when guys wear corsets.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Four of the most important things in my life – my friendship with Mercedes, my dignity, my car, and my heart – have been broken today.

My friendship with Mercedes because she asked me to be her boyfriend, and I had to break her heart by telling her I loved someone else.

My dignity because I bailed out at the last moment and told her it was Rachel.

My car because Mercedes hurled a rock through the window.

And my heart because I really feel Mercedes' pain. I've been through the same thing she's going through, and knowing that anyone, especially Mercedes, feels that horrible because of me makes me want to lie down in my room and cry.

In Glee practice, she sang us the song "Bust Your Windows" and looked straight at me the entire time.

The worst part is, she would be perfect for me if I was actually able to reciprocate the feelings.

Why does my life always sound like a soap opera? Am I just being a drama queen?

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Everything I suspected about Dakota Stanley is true. He started by handing us our "personalized menus." I looked up the foods on mine later and discovered that my menu was devoted to building muscle.

He then started insulting us all. He cut Artie because he wasn't "trying hard enough" at walking! He told Rachel to get a nose job, and he told Finn (or Frankenteen) to wipe the dopey look off his face (that expression is not dopey, its adorably clueless} and that he was so freakishly tall, Dakota felt like a woodland creature.

What really got to me was how he treated Mercedes. She might be mad at me, but that doesn't mean I don't still care about her, and nobody messes with my friends.

Her menu only said coffee, and eventually Dakota called her an F.A. and kicked her off the team because of it.

That made me see red. I don't usually talk back to adults, no matter how annoying they are, but that did it. I told him, "You can't kick people out of Glee club because you don't like the way they look!"

To which he replied, "Uh, why don't you shut your face gash and stay away from aerosol cans because you could burst into flames at any second."

I don't think I've ever wanted to creep into someone's bedroom in the dead of night and stab them in their sleep so much before. We all quit within two minutes.

And then Rachel had her glory moment. She reminded us of Barbara Streisand. Everyone told her she would need to get a nose job in order to be a star, and she refused. Rachel said we would never be as good dancers as Vocal Adrenaline, and that we would win because we were different. She finished her speech by firing Dakota… "and I'm taller than you."

I think I had a small moment of hero worship there. Unfortunately, I think Mercedes caught me looking at Rachel during said brief moment and it might have reinforced the "Kurt-in-love-with-Rachel" theory.

Oh well. My father just got back from the PTA meeting. I asked him to film the performance. It's rather good.

I did NOT know Noah Puckerman could sing. It's not fair that someone that evil should have that voice.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Mercedes apologized for wrecking my car. She told me she hoped it would work out with Rachel. She looked so sincere, so ready to forgive. I wanted to know I could trust her, and that there wouldn't be any secrets between us.

And I told her. I told her I was gay.

She didn't even blink an eye. She told me I shouldn't be ashamed of who I was, and that I should tell the kids from Glee Club.

I realized in that moment that I'd always wished for a friend, and I'd ended up getting some one much better than I deserved. She'll stand behind me no matter what happens. She stopped by my house after school and we just had a nice heart-to-heart. My dad wouldn't let us close the door.

Kurt Hummel


	5. Preggers

Dear Diary,

I have only one thing to say…

Oh, crap.

I was doing a recording of the Single Ladies dance with Tina and Brittany when my dad walked in on us. In the process of trying to dig myself out of the hole I had landed in, I tried to explain that my unitard was very jock-chic, and that all the football guys wore them… and Brittany interjected by explaining that I'm the kicker on the football team now. My dad wants tickets to my first game.

Oh, crap.

I'm going to have to get onto the team somehow. I suppose I could say that I got kicked off, but getting on the team will be easier than trying to explain _that_ to my dad. I'll try to get on the team first, and if that doesn't work, I'll take drastic measures.

The moral of this lesson: never trust a cheerleader.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Okay, Finn has agreed to help me get onto the team. I'm meeting him at his house after school tomorrow to practice. If I can actually pay attention to the ball while he's around, I should be in good shape when I try out.

Rachel had a major diva moment in rehearsal today. It was unbelievable. Tina, who is actually quite good, got the solo in Tonight, and Rachel tried to steal it from her. After declaring Mr. Schue was being unfair, she stormed out of the choir room. It would be funny if it weren't so insensitive to Tina.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

I'm in Finn's backyard. We just finished practicing, and Finn is getting us Gatorades.

Who knew that kicking a football could be so exhausting? It's probably because I've been dancing. Finn seemed to think this a little strange at first, but he understood that it loosened me up and told me I was a good dancer. He even tried to join in once, which was quite amusing, although I doubt he would have if Noah (who Finn calls Puck – I never knew that was his nickname) was there. I had a lot of fun.

Despite the joking around, it was quite a productive practice. True, we were using a tree instead of goal posts, but Finn is pretty sure I'm kicking the ball in the right general direction, so I should be fine when I try out.

Finn is looking over my shoulder. Go away, Finn.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

I made it on to the team! I made the team! Now my father will believe me.

At first, Finn didn't want me to use the music, but I told him that my body is like a rum chocolate soufflé, and that if I didn't warm it up right, it didn't rise. He either understood the reasoning behind this, didn't want to ask what I was talking about, or didn't want to upset me. Whatever the reason, he let me use it.

They all laughed at me when I started to dance, but when I kicked the ball through the goal posts, everyone dropped what they were carrying. I suspect that I did well.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Rachel landed the lead in the school play, Cabaret. I was going to audition as well, but now I'm glad I didn't. If I had, I might have gotten a part (what am I talking about? I _would_ have gotten a part), and I don't want to have to deal with Rachel 24/7. I should say 24/5 because I'd still have weekends, but somehow I think she'd drag me out on Saturday and Sunday to work on lines. In the end, football practice prevented me from auditioning. It's a bit ironic isn't it?

Mercedes was joking that she should join the Cheerios to cheer me on.

She'd actually make a good cheerleader.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Apparently, I have made a lasting impression on Finn Hudson. He is so impressed with my perfect scores (I've only missed one kick to date, and it wasn't my fault. It was scorching outside and Finn had taken his shirt off) that he made a revolutionary suggestion. We are all going to dance at our next game. Of course, Noah was strongly opposed to this, but, as I pointed out to the team, you must never let the enemy know you. Beyonce might just save us a game. It would also make us work together more functionally, which would be nice. So far, there are exactly three members of the team who are actually nice to me: Finn, Matt Rutherford, and Mike Chang. Noah Puckerman still throws me in the dumpster every day.

I digress.

The team is doing pretty well so far, although they need to get a little more into the song. So far, they seem a bit hesitant. However, I must stay they have potential.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

We've been practicing every day for the last week, and our first game is tomorrow. The team has come together very well, but I still don't think Finn has it. It's a bit ironic considering he's Mr. Schuester's most willing student. Puck (I've finally gotten into the habit of calling him that) needs help as well, but that's no big surprise, considering he stands to the side during every single rehearsal. Finn is perfectly willing to accept a bit of extra help, but when I approached Puck to go over the dance, he threw me into the dumpster. Not wholly unexpected.

I'll just have to hope that he turns out all right tomorrow.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Today was the big game! At first, the team didn't want to do the dance. They were in a negative mindset, and the other team was eating us like sharks. Finn kept getting tackled, and one of the players on the other team nearly twisted Matt's ankle. It was horrible. My dad showed up at halftime, and looked positively tortured during the second half. Coach Tanaka seemed quite mad.

Then, with one second left to go on the clock, Finn looked straight at me and called for a time-out. He, Puck, and one of the players on the other team had a brief conversation – I don't know what about. All I know is that they did the dance. It was amazing. The entire crowd was on their feet, and even Coach started dancing.

After the dance, Finn made a fantastic pass to Puck and he made a touchdown, evening the score.

Then I won the game. I made a perfect kick and won the game. The entire team lifted me up onto their shoulders, and for the first time, I actually felt like I belonged on the team. I'm sure they'll still be mean to me once the euphoria wears off, but at least they'll respect me now.

Kurt Hummel

All right, I know I already made an entry today, but I have to get this down.

I told my dad. I told him that I'm gay.

And he told me he already knew, and that he'd known since I was three years old. I didn't know it until I was five and I developed that major crush on Aladdin! Parents can be eerily perceptive.

He still loves me. He's not disappointed in me or anything. I mean, I don't think he likes the idea, but he says that if that's who I am, I shouldn't be ashamed.

I never realized how much my dad really loves me. I think we've bonded. Life is going to be a lot easier now that he knows.

Kurt

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Glee club has three new members from the football team. I kind of expected Matt and Mike to join – they had a lot of fun dancing and were very nice to me – but I did not see the third person coming.

Puck.

_Puck._

PUCK!

On an entirely unrelated subject, Rachel quit because Mr. Schue wouldn't give her Tina's solo. Part of me wants to cheer until the roof caves in, but the other, more practical side of me knows that without her, we don't have much of a shot. I mean, Mercedes has an amazing voice, but she's not as good at selling it as Rachel is. We need Rachel to lure the judges in, and once we have them secured, Mercedes can finish the job with a bang. We need Rachel to make a first impression.

Glee-wise, my day is not going well. On the plus side, Quinn seems to be more emotional than usual. She could very well break up with Finn if they argue. Even if he wouldn't go out with me, Quinn is not the right person for him at all. Nor is Rachel, for that matter.

It's times like this I wish I were a girl.

Kurt Hummel


	6. The Rhodes Not Taken

**Hey, just a little warning for one of the entries – this is the episode where Kurt gets drunk, and as I am only 13 years old, I have NO idea what a drunk person sounds like, so I am probably wildly off the mark on that entry. Also, I feel that this chapter feels a lot less like Kurt than it does like me, so it's a bit OC. I'll try to get back my Kurt hat back on by the next chapter – it's probably disguised as some high-class designer hat that will cost $500.**

Dear Diary,

Since my dad was so nice about it, Mercedes and I decided I should tell the rest of the club as well. They all gave me their support and accepted me, except for (of course) Puck and Santana. Santana won't stop making fun of me, and Puck has just increased his dumpster throw-ins. I wish life was as easy as it is in the fairy tales.

Then again, I'm fairly sure there weren't any gay princes.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

I expected at least that Mercedes would get Rachel's solos. At least Mercedes has the voice. In fact, I think Mercedes has a better voice than Rachel does, even if she doesn't sell it (I believe I've already mentioned this).

But, no. Rachel's solo in Don't Stop Believing is going to Quinn. For one thing, Quinn's voice, although pleasant to listen to, doesn't carry at all. You can barely even hear her over the guitar, and we had to bring down the whole vibe of the song to match her voice. Also, Mercedes seems to be one of the only members of Glee club who isn't in love with Finn, so she wouldn't use the song as an opportunity to make eyes at him. She doesn't know how I feel about Finn yet, but I think she might suspect.

Quinn was sick this morning. She ran out of practice with her hand over her mouth. Even if I don't like her much, I hope she's all right.

The whole club has agreed. We need Rachel back. I wish we didn't.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

We have a new member in the Glee club – and she's three years older than Mr. Schuester. April Rhodes never graduated, so Mr. Schuester is enrolling her in his Spanish class and bringing her in to Glee. The woman is annoying and quite rude. When she first came into the room, she said we looked like the world's worst Benetton ad.

I'm not even going to comment on that statement.

But then she started to sing. It was as if some angel was channeling itself through her vocal cords. Time stood still, and there was nothing else in the world but her voice. She is amazing.

I still don't think it's a good idea to put her in the club.

Kurt Hummel

P.S. It's funny, but she looks an awful lot like Kristin Chenoweth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

I worship April she is a goddess.

She gave me this power drink thing, makes me feel fantastic and confident! I've only had it for a day and I don't know how I ever got on without it. I do feel a bit dizzy and lightheaded but I don't really know why and there seems to be a rabbit on my pillow but it's not harming anyone so I don't mind.

Also she gave me her vintage collection of Muscle Magazine which is absolutely genius. I worship what's her name again? Oh well, it doesn't matter. Good night.

Kurt!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Have you ever had a hangover? It is most decidedly not pleasant. Apparently, that power drink April gave me was alcoholic. I threw up all over Miss Pillsbury's shoes and we both had to be taken to the emergency room – me because my body couldn't handle the alcohol and Miss P. because she went into shock (she has a mental disease and can't handle messes).

After we were both treated, Miss Pillsbury took me aside and started questioning me about where I got the booze. I didn't tell her – I didn't want to get April in trouble – but I think I have to revoke April's goddess status. I'm not so sure I like her anymore

I always swore I would never drink underage, smoke, or do drugs. Not only are they horrible for the inside of your body, they are dreadful for your skin. I need to get out of this emergency room so I can get at my concealer, I look like a sick bulldog right now.

Kurt Hummel

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Diary,

Quinn was sick in school today again. She keeps missing Glee practice, and she seems uncharacteristically distracted. She doesn't look sick, though. At least, not until she runs out of the room with her hand over her mouth. Maybe she's lactose intolerant. It's all highly suspicious.

Kurt Hummel

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Dear Diary,

Today we found out why Quinn is always so sick.

She's pregnant. With Finn's baby.

When I first found out she was pregnant, I was positively gleeful. Quinn Fabray is the president of the celibacy club! It was too good to be true. Then I found out it was Finn's. I acted the way Kurt Hummel would be expected to – joyous over this bit of gossip (in fact, I think I played the part too well, I looked happier than everyone else there), but I didn't have to act for long. Right on cue, Rachel walked in, and I was faced with the delicious task of telling her myself. This could, in fact, be a blessing in disguise. What with all the baby drama and the Rachel vs. Quinn battle, Finn's going to get sick of those girls.

Who am I kidding?

I'm going to be depressed about this for a month.

Kurt Hummel

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Dear Diary,

Invitationals are tomorrow. I'm quite nervous. It's going to be my first performance in front of a large audience, my big break.

Not that I actually do anything important.

I'm still sad about the Finn-Quinn story. I'm going to count how many days it takes for me to get over this. It should keep me slightly amused.

Kurt Hummel

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Dear Diary,

We just did act one: "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood. April came in drunk – if they haven't figured out where I got the booze from yet, they never will – and started kissing Puck in the middle of the warm-up. She then grabbed my nose and yelled, "HONK!"

Obviously, April can handle alcohol better than I can, because she kicked butt during Last Name. We got a standing ovation. I feel very confident going into Act II.

Kurt Hummel

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Dear Diary,

Mr. Schuester showed up during the intermission to let us know that April had left and we were going to cut the performance short. I've never been in a club like this before, but I am fairly sure that you don't wait to tell the club that their lead singer has left five minutes before the newly-canceled Act II begins.

However, Rachel showed up, announced that she had quit the play, and stepped in for April.

"Somebody to Love" was amazing. I think it's one of the best songs we've done, along with "Don't Stop Believing."

Mercedes was our secret weapon. Like I said before, Rachel sold the song. She lured the audience in, and then Mercedes knocked them dead with one note. The entire audience burst into applause. It was amazing.

I have a truly remarkable best friend.

Kurt Hummel


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